My BB Goalie sense was tingling this morning. I check the twitters and BAM! POW! KERPLUNK! STARTER BABY!!!!!!!! I had to quick buy a ticket because while I am practically the fucking mayor of #TankTown, I don’t want to pay money to witness the carnage. BUT BB GOALIE FIRST HOME START!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF #TANKTOWN, THE REGULARLY SCHEDULE LOSS OF EPIC PROPORTIONS WILL BE PUT ON HOLD. WE MUST WIN THE GAME FOR THE TINY BB GOALIE AND ONCE MIKE SMITH IS IN NET, THE TANKING SHALL COMMENCE. THIS IS NOT A DRILL, CANCEL THE TANK.
I’ve never personally seen a game where I was invested in the goalie. And by invested I mean……
IT IS NOT SUPER FUN BEING A GOALIE FAN. THE FIRST SHOT HIT HIM IN THE FACE AND I WAS LIKE
And then BB Goalie made his first save and I was all
BUT THEN HE DROPPED HIS STICK…….. A LOT. AND LIKE A FREAK I THREW MY ARMS OUT LIKE I COULD:
A) CATCH IT
B) RETURN IT TO HIM
C) USE THE FORCE TO CRUSH THE WINDPIPES OF ALL THE PREDS WHILE HE RETRIEVED THE STICK HIMSELF (omg I’m totes Darth)
Pretty soon THEY KEPT SHOOTING AT HIM. What the fuck. I mean, yes, he is the goalie, but ……. DO THEY NOT FEAR FOR THEIR OWN SAFETY?!!?!?!? Shots and saves. Shots and saves. Shots and saves. LOST STICK. Shots and saves. Shots and saves. Shots and saves…..
I couldn’t even evaluate the quality of the goaltending because most of the time was spent flinching and throwing my arms out like I had epilepsy. But yeah, first period? NO GOALS FOR YOU BITCHES!!!!!!
Second period: I feel like the Preds scored because Louis was at the other end of the arena and my mojo could not reach him. Chipchurra got his ASS BEAT. Crombeen got in a fight with Mike Fisher. I’m not a big Crombeen fan at all. It worked out ok for us to have Fisher gone for five minutes, but Fisher isn’t really a Mike Tyson’s Punchout guy. Not a huge fan of the second period.
Third period: BB GOALIE RETURNS TO MY SIDE, LAND OF RAINBOWS, KITTENS, AND NO GOALS. The game definitely got more chippy as it went. Suddenly Wilson did something to Oliver because OLIVER WAS SAYING BAD WORDS and holding his wrist.
ALSO, JAMES NEAL HIGH STICKED SHANE DOAN IN THE FACE. IN HIS FACE. NO ONE MAKES SHANE DOAN BLEED HIS OWN BLOOD. And no one really did anything.
Insert: Yandle rant
Here’s the fucking thing. When people did stuff to Doan, Yandle was there. Wizdouchski? Yandle fought him. Our AHL team just kinda skated around like DERP DERP. I shake my head and hope that we love Doan enough to set him free this Summer. He deserves better. HE DESERVES YANDLE. Also, when Yandle would screw up, he would haul ass back. John Moore, you have been judged and found wanting. #Can’tHandleNoYandle2015 /end rant
Also, fuck James Neal. The James Neal hat trick is a goal, injuring a player, and then kicking a puppy.
He is your alternate captain? Really Nashville? REALLY? Wow.
So during the power play for James Neal being a douchecanoe, Chipchura scores to tie the game. Woot! Way to dig Chipchura and recover from your beat down.
Game ends in a tie. We get a point, making BB Goalie still undefeated in regulation, which for this team is ULTRA IMPRESSIVE.
I don’t want to speak of what happened in OT because James Neal scoring the winning goal in BB Goalie’s first home game after he high sticked Shane Doan and I was wearing my Prucha jersey…….. it’s just too much. DIAF HOCKEY GODS, DIAF. Y U DO DIS?!?!!?
BB GOALIE IS TOTALLY NOT BEING TERRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I greatly enjoy crazy people tweeting about him like
MY HEART, MY HEART, MY HEART. WELCOME TO THE BB GOALIE BANDWAGON. PLEASE PUT ON YOUR SEATBELTS, PROLLY GONNA BE BUMPY.