The Keysmashiest Keysmash That Ever Keysmashed…. aka BB Goalie NHL Debut

BEHOLD!  THE CHILD GUARDIAN HAS COME FORTH TO STOPETH THY RUBBER.

BB GOALIE.

RAINBOW COLORED TEARSSSSSSSSSS

RAINBOW COLORED TEARSSSSSSSSSS

ACTUAL RUN AROUND HOUSE

ACTUAL RUN AROUND HOUSE

ZOMG! ZOMG! ZOMG!!!!!!!!

ZOMG! ZOMG! ZOMG!!!!!!!!

THE FLAILIEST FLAIL OF ALL THE FLAILS

THE FLAILIEST FLAIL OF ALL THE FLAILS

O. M. F. G

O. M. F. G

WAS IT GOOD?  No.  BUT!  Let’s cut the kid some slack.  He joined the club today.  Like game day…… on a matinee game day and was thrown into the game when Mike Smith finally jumped the shark.  Not necessarily the best preparation for your first game in the NHL.

ME TOO, LOUIE, ME TOO

ME TOO, LOUIE, ME TOO

However, BB Goalie lets in 2 goals on 11 shots.  STILL A FUCKING HIGHER SAVE PERCENTAGE THAT MIKE SMITH!!!!!!  Yes, it was a shorter time in net, but for his first game and being thrown in there?  I’ll take it.  He should have had the Karlsson shot.  But the second goal?  The artists formally known as defense did not perform.

UHHHHH

UHHHHH

I can’t remember much about the game before BB Goalie was put in due to my seizure/heartattack/blackout.  Thanks twitter for calling 911.

Anyways, how was the game going?  Well the highest paid player on the team let in like 5 goals on 20 shots.  So, there is that.  But hey, Z scored!!!  And tried to boss Mimi around, so that was fun!

Z skated Mimi away from a confrontation (with Shinniman bahahahah, but still)

Z skated Mimi away from a confrontation (with Shinniman bahahahah, but still)

Son of a bitch, I love Z and if they trade him……. it’ll be the 45 minute, laying on the floor bawling fit of Summer of ‘0whenthefuckeverthePenssignedhim.  He will re-sign with a hometown discount!  JUST GIVE HIM A FUCKING CHANCE!  We can’t ditch ALL of our experienced D.  WHO WILL TELL THE KIDS THAT THEY ARE DOING SHIT WRONG!?!?!?  Seriously though, they need an experienced Dman, and Z is the most bestest qualified.

Whew, back to the game.  So yeah, GoalFest 2015.  At least GMDM took it well?

Ok, so basically BYE EVERYONE.  BYYYYYYYYE.  I was talking to Jon last night about my “untouchable” list for trades.  He made me make a rational one and a AJ FEELZ LUV list.

Rational:  OEL, Yandle, Z, Doan, Marty, maybe Boeds.

AJ FEELZ LUV:  OEL, BB GOALIE, MARTY, Z, LAURI, BOEDS, PART-TIME HUSBAND JOE VITALE, AND DOAN.  And maybe Rieder, BECAUSE EUROPE.

If any of the FEELZ team got traded, I’d just hide them and be all

IDK

IDK WHERE THEY ARE

In unrelated news, it is fucking exhausting to be super invested in a goalie.  Hands are constantly over the mouth and praying is occurring.  I also screamed “STOP SHOOTING THINGS AT HIM” a bunch.  THERE ARE NO SHIFTS TO UNCLENCH YOUR BUTT.  PERMA-CLENCH.  If, by some miracle of the hockey Gods, BB Goalie actually got to be the all-the-time-goalie, after a season, MOVE OVER P90X AND BUNS OF STEEL, Goalie love is the new workout of choice.  I have never been attached to a goalie and this might actually kill me.

No, Louie, actual DEAD, not feelz DED.

No, Louie, actual DEAD, not feelz DED.

Please let this happen:

I was excited to see BB Goalie today, but I hope it didn’t screw up his chance to start in Montreal.  He is from Quebec.  Patrick Roy was his coach with the Remparts.  So many things would be amazing if Louie got the start tomorrow.  PLEASE HOCKEY GODS (AND TIPPETT).  While the Habs have been good, they haven’t been tearing up the scoreboard so it might be ok.  And if it goes horrifically bad, Roy probably showed him some epic ways for a goalie to have a meltdown?

WHY THE HELL ARE THESE GAMES NOT ON TV?  UNLEASH THE GIANT SQUID OF ANGER.  I might have to purchase Center Ice for this one damn game if he starts, but totes worth it.  Shoutout to my twitter follower that found me a stream of the game today, you are a life saver!!!!!

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