Teenage Mutant Ninja Hertl — Can’t Even Be Mad @ Him

aj

*waves*

*waves*

Yep, I went to the game tonight, but let’s start off with the most important business of the year:

UMMMMMMMMMMM

UMMMMMMMMMMM

………………..THIS HAPPENED.  It didn’t happen for long because, let’s be honest, my twitter is a shitshow.  SCARIEST 90 SECONDS OF MY LIFE.  He came for the humor, he left because …… ANY NUMBER OF REASONS.

So, the Coyotes.  Recall Philip Samuelsson.  OK!!!!!  Waive Summers and Bmac.  FML.   Summers!!!!!!! Nooooooo!!!  He isn’t killing it, but I greatly enjoy him as a person and if we fucking suck this year, me liking them should count for at least 50%.  Fucking 51%.

Wait, they moved someone to IR?  Who…………..EFJKL  ;AJF  EFwj lskfl  l/ fALS BWE J2

DED

DED

Marty is ded.  So I see comments on twitter and on FB about people starting to bitch about how much Marty is hurt.  In his 7 full-year seasons with the Yotes he’s missed about 12 games a season.  In the past few years he has been hurt more often.  He also plays a fuck ton of minutes.  Hard minutes.  Minutes that would make your fucking scrotum crawl back into your bodies gentlemen.  PK is a bitch.  Power play in front of the net?  You wouldn’t last 3 seconds.  5 vs 5 against the top lines of the other team?  Joe Thornton.  Getzlaf.  This is the West, we bang.  They aren’t exactly small, weak men.  So basically, shut the fuck up, he gets owwies.

Czechs agree

Czechs agree

Lucas Lessio.  Man.  He got manhandled all night.  In the closing minute, he literally got held down by like four dudes and then Braun held him forever (I’m 49% sure he speared Braun, because that dude was in fucking PAIN when he went to the bench after).  LL was just noticed too  much for bad stuff.  Pass going off his skate, letting the puck out of the zone, poor passes.  He did have the speed to get back and defend in his own end, so I will give him that.  I just don’t see what he is bringing that Hodgeman didn’t.  I mean if we have officially given up and are evaluating talent, I get it.  But????

It is a bit like this

It is a bit like this

The game!  Heeeeeeeeeey first period goal via Boeds!!!!!  He’s on a bit of a hot streak.  We always complained that Vrby was a bit of a streaky player, but dude, Boeds seems more  lava and glacier than Vrbs.  Assist from OEL.  SCANDABABIANS FTW!!

The Second period turned into a bit of #HereComesTheCoyotes.  JoePa had a PPG and then Hertl scored.  BBQ CZECH!!  YOU CAN’T EVEN BE MAD CUZ:

WORKS OUT WITH OLD PEOPLE

WORKS OUT WITH OLD PEOPLE

IS SECRETLY PIKACHU

IS SECRETLY PIKACHU

ALSO IS GRU?

ALSO IS GRU?

See?  You just want him to have a goal, amirite?  Doan tied the game up anyways so, yay bbq Czech!!!!  (There is already a BB Czech, so…..)

But, the Coyotes are still the Coyotes and Dillion scored in the third.  The Sharks also had a goal disallowed because Dub knocked the net off before the shot (Britters called this THE OSGOOD).

So before we get to the positive stuff, I have two mini rants.

A dude IN A FAKE DOAN JERSEY sat on the glass behind the Sharks bench.  1.  Fake jerseys are an abomination and the hockey gods should smite those who bear the mark.  2.  If you can afford those seats, you can afford a real fucking jersey.  Or a real shersey.  Or a fucking hoodie that says Coyotes.  I really kinda wanna make a tumblr dedicated to fake jersey shaming.

Also:  This girl behind me didn’t know what icing was.  That’s ok, hey, maybe she is new.  Nope, she was talking about how the place is 90% Red Wings fans when she comes to games.  DOES NOT UNDERSTAND ICING.  ATTENDS LOTS OF RED WINGS GAMES………. *insert your own joke here*  (This isn’t all RW fans, but it sure seems to be a high ass % of them that attend Phx games)

SHE COULD BE GREAT FRIENDS WITH THE LADY IN FRONT OF ME YELLING SHIT AT GAG-NER.  Like gag. ner.  *sigh*

OMFG

OMFG

POSITIVES!!!!!!

Dubnyk started the game in goal so we had an actual chance at winning.  WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Boeds continues to do offensive things (fear of McDavid???)

Oliver is a badass All-Star mofo!

Vrby is an All-Star!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Good for him, fuck my life.  ALL HE WANTED WAS A FUCKING NO MOVEMENT CLAUS……. breathe AJ, he’s gone to a better place.

Umm the Suns are fighting for a low playoff spot!

O HAI EUROPEAN

O HAI EUROPEAN

I MAKE DUNK

I MAKE DUNK

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