The lockout. The motherfucking lockout. It’s like having a wound that won’t heal because you’re tied down, helpless, while a little troll continually stabs you in your intestines while keeping you awake 24/7 screaming HOCKEY RELATED REVENUE, CONTRACT INCOME VARIANCE, AND PENSIONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNS. Your friends can’t help you because they, too, are tied down with trolls of their own. Meanwhile, some of your favorite players are tweeting you pictures of vacations in tropical places. Them = vaca. You = troll stabbing. What. the. fuck.
But then, one day, when you least expect it………..
It’s like any other day. OOOOOH THE DEADLINE IS COMING. THEY ARE CLOSE. Fuck. Tell me something I haven’t heard since like NOVEMBER 3RD. They work late into the night. YEAH WELL SO DOES MY STABBING TROLL, OK?
But then. It. Happens.
THE STABBY TROLL STARTS TO CHOKE AND COUGH. Your first thought is OMG FUCKING GROSS TROLL HAIRBALL. But the choking doesn’t stop and the hairball never appears. DING DONG THE TROLL IS DEAD. Could this mean…………?
HOCKEY IS BACK?
(For the purposes of the next section, the role of me will be played by a little boy and Will Smith).
GUYS. DOESN’T JUST SAVE US. Some of the players were hurting. They were stuck and thought they needed to find new careers.
AND YOU, BLOG READER, HAVE SOME DECENCY AND ADVERT YOUR EYES. HE WAS IN A VULNERABLE POSITION AND THERE YOU ARE, ALL LOOKING. I SAY ADVERT YOUR EYES!
AND THOSE OF YOUR WHO ARE ALL
I WILL FIND YOU.
Ok, Back to the excite.
So first things first:
1) I NEED THE NEW SCHEDULE. LIKE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.
2) I need to buy a new personal schedule because my calendar has all these fake games written in it. Haha, remember when we got to see Eastern Conference Teams? I HATE YOU NHL. I see these Western Conference jackwagons all the time. I WANT TO SEE GENO. MAKE IT HAPPEN.
3) Guys, who the hell is even on our team? WHO IS GONNA BE THE 7TH DMAN? OMG I BET IT’S RUNDBLAD CUZ HE’S BEEN RIPPING IT UP IN PORTLAND (more about this in a post later this week)
4) We still have Raffi Torres. 😐
5) GUESS WHO IS ON A PLANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6) Replace “School” with “The Job” and “long holiday” with “lockout” and this is totally how I feel:
SEE YOU SOON, THE BLOG IS BACK (AT LEAST FOR NOW!) YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY HOCKEY!