Extreme Couponing — Coyotes Edition

A small update on the ownership news:  Roc said that Jamison says that the Coyotes could be off the market in 72 hours.  Now I hope the boys don’t get all dressed up for the Prom and get stood up again.  THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH EMOTIONAL ABUSE THAT THESE PRECIOUS FLOWERS CAN TAKE OK?  Fingers crossed and hopeful, as always.

In other news, we’re still languishing in August.


In better news, I pondered something to write about.  I like to think that GMDM is an excellent shopper.  In fact, I wonder if he is the inspiration for those crazy extreme coupon people.  I HAVE 50% DISCOUNT GOOD WITH THE RANGERS WHEN I EXCHANGE A FAILY FORWARD AND IT DOESN’T EXPIRE UNTIL MARCH!!!   WOOHOO!!!!!

Some coupons get you ridiculous value and some suck you into spending money that isn’t worth it.

GMDM’s  just awaitin’ for the summer merchandise to hit the clearance aisle to go shopping for a Center.  GMDM has certainly picked up some gems at ridiculous prices.  Eric Belanger for 750K? Insane.

But, while GMDM has gotten some sick bargins, he also has had a few blunders.  Wolski at 3.8 million comes to mind.  He inherited the atrocity that is Jovo’s contract, so let’s not hang that one on him.

I decided to take a look at what players were the best bargins for Phoenix based on how many points they scored in relation to their salary.   DISCLAIMER:  I know points isn’t ALL a player brings to the team.  Leadership, defensive play, penalty killing, intangibles, dreamy eyes, and twitter fame are all things that players get paid to contribute to the team.  Points was just an measurable thing to use for comparison.   Also, I only used players that were with us for the whole year.  I’m not gonna fuck around with figuring out partial salaries.


First…… The Rich…..

Dan Ellis Problems anyone?

BizNasty ~ BizNasty got paid the most, out of everyone per point.  With his whooping 1 point and 612K salary, he made 612K per point.  Faaaaaaaaaaaat cat!  (Yes I know this isn’t his purpose, calm down)

Derek Morris ~ Dmo made $171,875 for each of his 16 points on his 2.75 million salary.  /Bites tongue

Oliver Ekman-Larsson ~ Olli made $127,272 for each of his 11 points on his 1.4 million salary.  (With less games due to AHL stint and very limited playing time due to part of someone’s body being stuck up another part of their body)  It’s my blog and I’ll defend him if I wanna goddamnit.

Kyle Turris ~ Turris made $107,800 for each of his 25 points on his 2.695 million salary.  Life is good when ur the 3rd overall pick man!

Adrian Aucoin ~ Oakie made $90909 for each of his 22 points on his 2 million salary.  I guess he won’t be in Shady Pines quasi-retirement home with Jovo any time soon?

Next up are those who are slightly more even on the points/salary scale.  The Lunchpail Crew.

Cleanin' up the trash in front of the net

Shane Doan ~ Jesus made $75,000 for each of his team-leading 60 points on his 4.5 million salary.  Skater paid the most got the most points.  Seems right.

Martin Hanzal ~ Marty made $69,230 for each of his 26 points on his 1.8 million salary.  This kid is a big example of bringing other stuff to the table besides points.

Radim Vrbata (I fricken’ love the Vrb) ~ Vrby made $62,500 for each of his 48 points on his 3 million salary.  Radim, more than anyone else probably, is expected to score because he shoots more than Dick Cheney on a duck hunt.  Add in his defense…… good value.  ❤

Ray Whitney ~ Ray made $52,631 for each of his 57 points (nice old man!) on his 3 million salary.

Finally, the boys who pumped out points for less return.  THE WORKING POOR

GMDM shopped for these dudes at Dollar Days

Vernon Fiddler (awww) ~ Fiddy, God Bless him, made $50,000 for each of his 22 points on his 1.1 million salary.  This was like the LEAST of what he did.

Lee Stempniak ~ Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee tied Fiddy, making $50,000 for each of his 38 points on his 1.9 million salary.  Thank God no one else picked him up last summer.  Lee’s going into the final year of his contract this year, it’ll be interesting to see what happens with his point production.

David Schlemko ~ The Real Schlem Shady made $39,285 for each of his 14 points on his $550,000 (awwwwww) salary.  Schlem is like on food stamps.  HE HAS A WIFE TO PROVIDE FOR GMDM!

Taylor Pyatt ~ Taylor made $32,288 for each of his 31 points on his 1 million salary.  Such a good return for this guy (but if he’d just use his size more….. sorry, couldn’t resist).  Taylor may have the eyes, but Marty knows how to work his ass in front of the goalie better.

These last two are freaking insane good deals.  They worked their asses off and it showed not in their bank accounts, but in their points.

Fo' real

Keith Yandle ~ While Yands got a big pay increase with his new contract, last year, he made $20,338 for each of his freaking astounding 59 points on his 1.2 million salary.  THAT’S SO CHEAP.  IT’S CHEAPER THAN HOW THE RED WINGS PLAY.

Our very best bargin was who the fans voted as the “Hardest Worker”

Need to pay rent. Is this REAL silver? No reason for asking 😉 Poor Lauri. No, literally, he's poor.

Lauri Korpikoski ~ It freaking pains me to say this…….. Lauri made $17,500 for each of his 40 points, on his 700K salary.  When you think of his defense, his penalty killing, and his constant hauling ass, IT’S A TRAVESTY.  Little known fact:  I was going to be called as a character witness at the salary arbitration hearing 😉  GMDM was so worried that my gushing would impact the ruling that we signed Korps before the hearing.  Whew!  Financial crisis adverted.

Marty is already checking my availability for next summer 😦

There you have it boys and girls.  It’s not a total representation of their value to the team, but it was really interesting to me and thought you may like it.

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