Missing In Action…… Marty…Rostya.. and Me!

We’re on a bit of a roll.  We’re 4-0-1 since we came back to kick Detroit in the shootout (RED WINGS SUCK!).  Bryz has been solid.  We have scored goals.  We’ve come back from deficits.  We’ve done everything that a team needs to do to make a run for the post-season.

Jovo’s been out since mid-February.  Whitney was hurt.  Klesla got a puck to the face (and I almost died because it was so gruesome).

And since the Detroit game, we’ve been missing someone else.

WHY GOD WHY?

So, yes, we’ve been winning without Marty, but we need him.  And if you don’t think we do, fuck you and never read this blog again.  Here’s why?

Marty’s leading fowards in average time on ice per game (19:39).  He’s averaging over 3 minutes per game on PP and over 2 minutes per game on PK.  He’s got 5 game winning goals, trailing only Pyatt who has 6.  He’s second on the team in goals with 16, but this is his second stint lost due to injury.  And those who bitch about his aggressiveness, he’s leading the team in hits (144) so you can shut your pieholes.

Yeah, we’ve been winning, but we need Marty.  Vrby needs Marty.  And I mean, I wouldn’t mind if he came back.  Shocked?

Who has been stepping up and taking on Marty’s time?

Part time hockey stud, part time Finnish hair model.

Korps.  He had a fucking ridic game against the Ducks.  This kid is tied for the goal lead with Pyatt and Doan at 17.

17 goals?

He’s never had 17 points in a season, let alone 17 goals.  He has been amazeface this year.  He is the complete package in Finnish wrapping.  No words, man.  No words.  I mean, other than those words I previously said.

OOOOOOOOOOH let’s talk about the kids.  Well, first let’s have a picture review of who the “Kids” are.

Turris: NHL age: 2 years. Upside: still cute Downside: Ahhh the terrible twos.

Mac: NHL age: less than 2 months. Upside: He knows how to do more than hold his head up on his own. Downside: Coach is afraid he'll roll off the couch

Baby Dane: NHL age: 2yrs Upside: Speedy Downside: Coach is afraid he'll skate into heavy traffic

Turris, Mac, and Boeds.  Amazing upside.  No ice time.  Fucking eh.  Let the kids fly.  Don’t ground Boeds by throwing him on a line with Biz.  6 minutes of ice time for Boeds?  Completely un-fucking-accepable.  He has sick skills and God knows Lee isn’t doing that great.  Age discrimination is a bitch.

Know who also gets that a lot?

Olli showing us how tall he thinks Whitney is.

Schlem has been playing great since he got his bell rung.  It’s just frustrating to see this kid wasting away in the press box.  How much popcorn can one 19 year old eat?  Is this the record that Tippett wants him to break?  Don’t make me run Dmo over with my car.  I’ll do it…. again.

Maybe Lee has been saving all his goals for the end of the season?  Is that what is going on Lee?  Huh?

Well he certainly isn't smiling cuz of all his goals. We have hope!

So we all know I’m a huge fan of visors, even if they do kinda fuck up the pictures.  These two have gotten pucks to the moneymakers lately:

No, Fiddy looked like this BEFORE the puck to the face.

GET A SHIELD GODDAMNIT! Or a least pull someone ugly in front of you when you block shots!

I feel terrible for saying this but…….. the trade for Rostislav was probably the right move.  Who knows if we could have signed Uppy in the off-season and we also need cash to sign Yands ($$$$), Lauri, Vrby, Turris, Boedker, Fiddy and maybe Belanger.  And some guy named Bryzgalov, but he’ll be cheap right?

CALM DOWN!  Lauri, Yands, Turris, and Boeds are all RFA so they aren’t going anywhere.  Now, you may proceed to freak out about the rest.

See, I didn’t mention Jovo, who is UFA at the end of the season.  No room at the inn for Jovo.  With Schlem playing well and the trade for Klesla, Jovo is pretty much dead in the water.  We are already too full with OEL sitting out far too much.  No money for an aging Dman.  I’ll take Kles over Jovo every day of the week and twice on Sunday.

The Real Schlem Shady

Ok, picture time.  Those sensitive to enemies, advert your eyes at the end.

Doan to Luongo: OOOOOOH UR SUCH A BIG DEAL WITH YOUR OILY HAIRZ.

Our guys may have some slight ADD. Lauri: Wow, those lights are HIGH! Lee: Look at this cool stick..... it has my NAME on it!

Kids........ they're everywhere......... except on the ice during the game. FML

Turris <3's Fiddy

Vrby focuses really intently....... and still can't read signs in English. Awwww.

Your leading goal scorer.......... Pyatt...... no I'm serious. Why you laughin?

I love Jesus.

Rozy and Vrby are paranoid. The other two Czechs are hurt. #CzechsStickTogether

Oakie, you may need to eat someone in order for us to make the playoffs? Cool? Cool. Nom nom.

Turris abuses his stick. Is it supposed to bend that way?

BALLY!

OMG HE SMILES INTO YOUR SOUL

 

 

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2 Responses to Missing In Action…… Marty…Rostya.. and Me!

  1. Carol says:

    Oh yes, yes we stick together. I’d stick to them anytime… uuh, whatever. I wouldn’t stick to Rozsíval, though, I never liked him.
    Can Kess please stop trolling my soul?

  2. Cass says:

    Even those of us sensitive to the enemy will agree that Lou has greasy hair. Rumor has it that he uses RK17 to make it look that oily.

    ::rimshot::

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