Dear Santa…….

It’s that time of year when boys and girls pour their wishes out onto paper, put them in an envelope and slap a stamp on that sucker and hope for the best.

Of course the Coyotes are too grown up and cool to write letters to Santa.


(Tell me another place you get Coyotes coverage like THIS…………. yeah that’s what I thought!)

Dear Joulupukki,

Thanks answering my letter last year when I asked for more goals.  I just really thought they’d come sooner.  Sami laughed at me Joulupukki, but I knew you’d come though because I’m such a nice boy.  And he’s naughty, but I’m sure you knew that.  Anyways, this year, I’d like to make my shootout goals and maybe some nice V-neck sweaters.  Cuz I’m European and that’s how we roll.  Thanks Joulupukki!

Your Believer,



Dear “Santa”,

I don’t particularly appreciate you taking the focus off the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ and focusing the children on materialistic goods.  But I love everyone, so I love you too.  I would ask you for nothing more than peace on Earth and goodwill towards man, but I’m Hockey Jesus and I can do that myself.  You needn’t worry about bestowing any gifts upon me, I am a gift to the world.



Dear Gwiazdor,

Thanks for answering my letter last year.  When I said I was tired of cold feet, I thought you’d just get me some slippers or a girl with nothing better to do than warm up my feet, not change my whole climate.  Oh well, it’s working out pretty good.  This year, if you would be so kind Gwiazdor, can I have the Coyotes open the season in Poland?  You see, my family is very crazy but they don’t want to travel next time.  See Gwiazdor, I’m a giver!  Speaking of being a giver, can I have like 9,000 more assists?  I’ll be EXTRA good next year.



Dear Jezisek,

I’m so scared.  When I asked last Christmas to be the best Czech on our team, I didn’t realize you were gonna start picking off my countrymen like the freaking unibomber.  First Langer, then Z, now Prucha.  I’ve used my raise to pay for an army of security for Vrby because I can’t lose him too Jezisek!  I CAN’T BE ALONE.  Please, this year, I am asking for you to bring them all back.  I can’t live with this guilt.

Regretfully yours,




I want another $6,500,000 contract.  And some Just For Men.


Dear Mr. Claus,

I cannot put into words how incredibly grateful I am that answered my letter and saved me from Toronto.  I knew you would.  I got a tattoo that says “there are four things you can count on in life:  Death, Taxes, the Leafs sucking, and Mr. Claus”.  I was sad you didn’t RSVP to my wedding this summer.  We missed you.  I am not asking for anything this year because my life in Phx is amazing.

Bursting with sunshinely yours,



What is shakin’ at the North Pizzle my Sizzle?  I am more than rollin’ in my Taco Bell dough, so I’m not tweeting for myself.  Please feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, and heal the sick.  I’d say clothe the naked, but let’s be real, that just makes more work for me.  Boom!


Ded Moroz,

I make saves, you make me hot dogs, yes?  Also, please gift me Z back.  He makes less rubber for me and make me much happiness.  And a pony.


PS ~ and happy new year



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4 Responses to Dear Santa…….

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Dear Santa……. | The Good, The Bad, The Coyotes --

  2. Carol says:

    But we don’t know how Ježíšek looks! That picture is SO FAKE!
    Ah, pony for Bryz. No please. It would be too cute to handle. I’d die of sheer cuteness.

  3. Kels says:

    Oh wow! Loved this!

    Poor Marty!

    Lol @BizNasy!

    You nailed this!

  4. Nicole says:

    OMFG. You are too dang hilarious.

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