I am so goddamn sick of the Red Wings. I know rivalries and hatred is supposedly born in the playoffs and now I can see why. I ALREADY COULD NOT STAND THESE BITCHES AND NOW I HAVE TO LIVE, EAT, AND BREATHE THE HATE FOR TWO STRAIGHT WEEKS?
Dear dumbfuck who had the sign “Phoenix has a losing tradition” at our end for warmups: My answer is simple…. Detroit? Haven’t we burnt that fucking project wasteland down yet? Oh and by the way, this losing tradition OWNED your geriatric squad for 5 goals. I know it’s hard to skate fast in orthopedic skates, but really, could your team not throw some viagra down the pipe to get up for closing out the series at home? THEY COULDN’T EVEN GET UP FOR THAT?
I didn’t wanna be spiteful, but don’t mock the boys and expect sunshine and kisses.
So, there was a game! Hey, how about that!
Hooooooooooooly crap we decided to frustrate them by giving them THREE straight powerplays in the first period. Two overlapped for a minute of 5 on 3! INTERESTING TACTIC TIPPETT! I am concerned, but I trust you, so let’s see where this goes shall we? …………………
Korps stole that damn puck………. flew towards the goal like he was shot out of a canon………….. and went 5 hole on some rookie the Red Wings sent out for the slaughter! KOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORPS! He knows how to Finnish. 😀 Ok that was lame, but I was excited! Shorthanded! OF COURSE! GOOD CALL TIPPETT! THEY WOULD NEVER SUSPECT WE PULLED THE BRUINS TRICK!
Our PKers did amazing, killing off all the penalities, including the 5 on 3. Fiddy/Marty were kickass. KICKASS!
End of period: Good Guys: 1 Douchebags:0 Whew!
So since going 3-3 in the first game, our powerplay trap needed to be reset. It was super hard for us to suck so badly that we would go 0 for 18 attempts, but we did it. THE TRAP WAS RESET! They were lulled into thinking it sucked. Hahahahaha foolish. Right away in the second period, Holmstrom got 2 minutes for being illiterate and we went on powerplay. And………..we…………..wait for it……………… wait for it…………………………………
SPRUNG THE MOTHER-FING TRAP!
Grandpa Schneider (after being told that Jimmy Howard was the kid that he always has to yell at to get off his lawn) fired the puck at the goalie. He missed the annoying ass kid. And hit the net.
……………………… AND SNAP THE TRAP LATCHED ONTO DETROIT’S MASSIVE ASS!
Stuart (who I still owe a whooping to) scored, but we were still up 2-1………. but not for long.
Back on the powerplay. One goal was a fluke. We suck. Don’t worry Red Wings….. listen to your damn tin-foiled fans chanting that we suck….. we are not a threat………
Radim Vrbata has a pretty ass goal, set up by Langer. Czech power.
And the trap was sprung a second time. Suckas.
Crap! Are we becoming a team that is too dependent on special team goals? 1 shorthanded goal…… 2 powerplay goals…….. WE ARE FORGETTING HOW TO PLAY EVEN STRENGTH!!!
Petr. Prucha. Bitches.
Dear anyone who has hated on Prucha ….ever, Pretty sure you can suck it because his playoff fuzz is magical. Pretty sure I heard the Ranger fans roar with approval all the way in AZ. Prucha is love people, Prucha is love.
End of Czech dominated period: Good Guys 4 Douchebags: 1
Ok, ok I’m not worried anymore about us sucking even strength……. bring on the powerplay!
Taylor makes it 5-1.
Detroit scores a late goal that no one cared about and Marty ALMOST fished out before it crossed the line (good job 11! You fooled the ref!).
Whatevs. 5-2. Not bad for a losing tradition huh lil signmaker who prolly used welfare to buy supplies. You’re welcome for my tax dollars! 😀 Come again!
Ok so we won, but I want to comment on some crap I forgot in this looooooooooong post.
Afrogator. The douchebag that the Red Wings put in to tenderize the Coyotes meat………… Hey Wings, this All-Star took 5 of your 9 penalties and now he’s got a contract out on his life cuz he F’d with Yandle.
MVP of the game: CzechFinnistan! The members of the new nation were represented on the ice for all the goals! Woot Czechs/Finns!
Most Improved: Korps! Goal……….. amazing. Penalty kill……… amazing. Faceplanting that Wing into the ice………… amazing.
I miss Shane Doan. I love Shane Doan. If Shane Doan plays in Game 7, I will weep with pure joy. If Shane Doan does not play in Game 7, thou we walk in the shadow of the Red Wings, we shall fear no evil for Doan is with us, his presence and his stick, they comfort us. We are a pack and we can win no matter what.