Damn American Heartbreaker

Hey Ryan?

We need to talk.  I heard a concerning rumor today and I wanted to talk to you about it before I got upset.  I heard that you signed an extension with the Canucks.

Who signed with the Canucks? ME? Noooooooooo

Well you may deny it, but several reliable sources indicated that not only did you resign with Vancouver, you resigned with them for SIX  YEARS.  SIX RYAN!  SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIX!  You’ll be 30 before that contract is over, and I don’t even want to think about how old I’ll be!


Yes, yes you clean up well.  SIX YEARS!  And you know I hate the Canucks!  You said during the Olympics that you weren’t fond of Canadians.  WELL GUESS WHAT SWEETHEART, YOU’RE GONNA BE UP TO YOUR GODDAMN EYEBALLS WITH THEM.

Don't try to distract me with Baby Kes!

Those Canuck fans don’t love you!  Do they yell Kesssssssssssssssss?  No.  They yell Luoooooooooooooooooooooooooo.  What?  You don’t like that?  TOO BAD RYAN!  LUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.  Get used to it! You’re gonna be hearing it FOR SIX YEARS!  DID THEY MAKE YOU THIS AWESOME TEAM USA HOODIE?  NO, I DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't look away, you know I'm right!

I know you don’t want to hear this, but you need to!  We should have had this conversation BEFORE you got yourself into this situation!  *Sigh*  I don’t think there’s anything we can do now.  This may be it.

Awww baby Kes shaves for the first time....

I know.  You’re young and you rushed into it before thinking about all your options.  I’m sure those damn freaky twins put you in some sort of trance.  Maybe Luo talked you into it because if you played for another team you would own his sucky, chokey ass.

I don't know what to do either Kes

Maybe this won’t work out after all.  Maybe all your persuasion with babies and Parise was in vain.  What are you….. no…… Ryan, don’t!  STOP!


Don’t try to push me away with the pink short grabby ass picture.  I’m willing to over look it.  Let’s forget we just discussed this…………

Where do we go from here?

I don’t know Kes.  I guess we will just take this setback in stride and see what happens.  Six year is a long time.  And I hate the Canucks.

Or maybe we’ll be juuuuuuuuuuuuuuust fine 😉

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One Response to Damn American Heartbreaker

  1. Kels says:


    Awe, just lol!

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