Coyote Resolutions

It’s a new year and we are definitely a new team.  While we are doing awesome, we all have room to grow and areas to improve.  Here are some New Years resolutions for the boys……

Paul Bissonnette:  Bizz, you should resolve to keep working on controlling ur temper.  Ur a great energy guy, but need to bring more than just fighting to the table.  Also, you need to resolve to not have an early 90’s haircut with lines cut into your head!

Shane Doan: Jesus, you’re pretty much perfect!  You should resolve to finally get that hat trick!  Also, you should resolve to be Angry Doan during the ENTIRE playoffs.

Ah-Ha! Angry Doan. Or an imposter in an Angry Doan suit?

Vern Fiddler: Fiddy, you should resolve to be healthy, our penalty kill misses you!  Also, you should resolve to spend more than six dollars on your haircut!

Uppy thinks this was a SuperCuts special

Martin Hanzal: Marty, you should resolve to shoot more!  You’ve been shooting and have had 11 points in the last 12 games!  Also, you should resolve to get pocket-sized translation guide for my signs!

Thornton has a resolution of his own......

True story!

Lauri Korpikoski ~ Lauri, you should resolve to go on an offensive blitz and fight Uppy for the scoring race in the second half of the year!  Also, you should resolve to show some badass personality so we can come up with a great nickname for you!

Robert Lang ~ Pseudo!  You should resolve to make it through the entire year and play every game like the old ironman that you are!  Also, you should resolve to teach all the lil’ Czechs how to read English.

Matthew Lombardi ~ Lombo!  You should resolve to make great chemistry with someone other than Uppy.  Spread the Lombo Love around!  Also, you should resolve to not wear hats to hide your crazy Lombo hair because it is spectacular.

Craaaaaazy Lombo hair!

Peter Mueller ~ You should resolve to believe in yourself as much as I believe in you!  You’ll have a hella goal break through then!  You should also resolve to give your sign girl a little love, she’s your Drooler!

Petr Prucha ~ Pruuuuuuuuuuuu!  You should resolve to ……… damn, just keep doing your thing Pru!  Wait!  You should resolve to help me learn Czech.

I haz to teach Amy Czech, but she not learn good... (thanks to #PruchaWars for the pic)

Taylor Pyatt ~ You should resolve to increase your punishing hits on people.  Your goals are coming along nicely, remember to be physical!

Scottie Upshall ~ Uppy!  You should resolve to help Lombo get more goals.  He’s your wonder twin!  He needs your assistance.  You should also resolve to make sure all the boys get the phone number of your hair stylist.  Make this a priority.  Finally, you should resolve to get your chickie flowers for no reason like once a month, because she’s pretty great.

Share the hair Uppy, share the hair!

Radim Vrbata ~ Vrby!!!!   No resolutions for you, I’m too excited that you’re back and now you’re a faithful sign reader/acknowledger!

Daniel Winnik ~ Winnie!  You should resolve to work on your shootout skills.  We’re in need of some help apparently!

Adrian Aucoin ~ Adrian, you should resolve to be mean alllll season.  You know I love it when you punch people in the head and shove them down.  Also, resolve to not shave anymore, you’re much more intimidating with scruff.

Jovo: This one is easy ~ Jovo, you should resolve to use your head to not take stupid penalties and work at defending your teammates.  Marty should never have to fight when you are on the ice.

Sami Lepisto ~ SAMI!!!!  You should resolve to bust through and not only score one goal, but score like five goals in like three games and then stop again.  Keep ’em guessing!  Also you should resolve to coming up with a kickass victory dance that you can bust out after you score these goals.

Zbynek Michalek ~ Z, you should resolve to pack your pads with metal plates so you don’t get hurt.  You are vital!  Also,  you should resolve to take the Czech Republic Team to upset Team Canada since they snubbed your Captain.

Jim Vandermeer ~ Vandypants!  You should resolve to being your badass self.  You’re so gritty and mean!  Love it!  Also, you should resolve to answering to the name Vandypants, it’s gonna stick my friend.  Also, like Uppy, you should resolve to buying your wifey flowers once a month-ish just because she’s kickass.

Don't mess with the Pants

Keith Yandle ~ You should resolve to becoming a forward.  You have insane puck handling lately and it could totally happen!  Also, you should resolve to be super excited about all our wins for the rest of the year because it’s hilarious to watch.

Ilya Bryzgalov ~ Bryz!  You should resolve to lead the league in shutouts because you are well on your way!  You should also resolve to getting an assist this year because everyone must contribute on offense, even you!

Jason LaBarbara ~ Barbs, you should resolve to chasing Bryz in the shutout department because who can tell when our offense will go all anemic again?

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2 Responses to Coyote Resolutions

  1. Jenna says:

    I cannot wait to see Sami score a goal. HIs celebration will be amazing I’m sure. Dance Sami dance!

  2. David Cosand says:

    Bryz needs to get an assist?? If he even TRIES to make a TURCO-esque pass across a couple of lines to Doaner the puck will end up in the back of our net. GAR-UN-TEED.

    New Year’s resolution for Bryz – Don’t play the puck. Ever. Just stop it.

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