Coyotes fans have the rare opportunity to see a rare sight. That’s a lot of rare right there. He only comes out when a horrible incident takes place. Something so egregious that he cannot stand for it. Much like the fleeting Czech Monster, Angry Doan appears, wreaks havoc and retreats into the best hiding place ever…. inside of Jesus.
There is rare photographic proof of the existence of Angry Doan:
Angry Doan where are you??
Damn! It really IS hard to find Angry Doan. Alright, Doan always says if someone played him in a movie, it would be Keanu Reeves, so for the purposes of this blog, the role of Angry Doan will be played by Angry Keanu Reeves:
Top 10 ways to evoke Angry Doan:
1. As Doan walks out for the warmups, make sure he sees you punching a puppy.
2. When Doan flips a puck to a little kid, steal the puck and push the kid down.
3. Tell Doan’s kids that Santa isn’t real.
4. Club a baby seal….. or punish Turris in the corner. Doan sees these things as equivalent, doesn’t he Versteeg?
6. Put the toilet paper on so the paper hangs down instead of over. That’s just wrong in the bible of Doan.
7. Tell an old lady that she smells like old lady. Doan loves the elderly.
8. Outlaw hitting other players on the butt with sticks. It’s the only way Doan knows how to communicate with the Czechs.
9. Shave off his Jesus hair while he sleeps. His powers of peace are all in the ‘fro.
10. Take a cheap shot to his head and then claim it was completely clean and you don’t know why everyone’s upset even though it was dirty enough to get you suspended by the league for two games you fucking little douchebag. Hypothetically speaking of course.