Fan/Player Conferences

Two weeks ago we had parent/teacher conferences at my school and the kids got their report cards.  Tippett also graded the players on the first 10 games of the year.  Since Tippett seems to have a different outlook than myself, I think I’ll take a stab at grading the boys…. on the first 14 games of the season.  They will get graded on what special something they bring to the team and an overall grade for play.

Here are the very first Fan/Player Conferences:

report1

I'll get you my pretty....

Paul Bissonnette ~ Fighting  B+  ~ Overall B- ~ Paul you aren’t afraid to take on anyone and I like that.  We need someone to step up in that manner.  But you are a one trick pony.  You are too quick to drop the gloves at times and I need some offense from EVERYONE on the team.  You don’t get a free pass.

Shane Doan ~ Leadership A,  Overall A ~ Mr. Slow Start has put up a lot of points early on and is guiding us down the path we need to go.  He is Jesus!

Vernon Fiddler ~ Faceoffs/grit  A+, Overall A+ ~ Doan has better offensive numbers, but Fiddy, your job is to be Fiddy.  You never quit.  You have the short handed goal.  You bang.  You make me want to stand up and cheer.  I give Fiddy two thumbs up.

Martin Hanzal ~ Puck Flipping A+, Defense A, Overall B+ ~ Marty, you know it pains me that you didn’t make the A Honor Roll.  Defensively?  Forget about it!  Offensively?  I need you to be the man a bit more.  I need the Czech Monster!

Lauri Korpikoski ~ Shootout A-, Overall B ~ #29 I don’t have a nickname for you yet!  Shootout?  You’re gold!  You nailed the first one and beat the goalie on the second one, but that post was pissed at you!  Your quickness is great, but I need you to use it effectively and put some pucks in the net.  If I just need fast, I have Boedker.  Show me more.

Robert Lang ~ Not being injured A+, Overall B+ ~ Pseudo-Czech, you are showing the beginning of your scoring touch.  I like!  I know you missed camp so I’m cutting you some slack.  Way to stay away from injury so far.  You go old man!  Keep those lil Czechs in line.

Matthew Lombardi ~ Lombardiness A-, Overall B ~ Lombo!  You are doing good things.  I know your line keeps changing.  I just need more goals.  Your power play work is great.  Bringing into the zone?  Good.  Faceoffs, good.

Peter Mueller ~ Goal Scoring F, Overall C ~ Petey, I know you know that you are supposed to score.  You are doing everything else other than score wonderfully.  You are quick.  You are moving your feet.  You checked some people (!).  I believe in you so much.  You got a C, but a C for you is like an F for anyone else.

Petr Prucha ~ Creativity A- , Overall B ~ Pruuuuuuuuu!  You’re doing good!  You score on your butt.  You score on your tummy.  Jenna was right, we need you to just lay on the ice in front of their goal.  I like how you are using your speed.  I just need you to hit the net.  I know you can do it.

Taylor Pyatt ~ Camping in front of net A-, Overall B  ~ Tay Tay!  You are an excellent camper.  I love how you crash the net and hang around for a cup of coffee even though the goalie doesn’t want to shoot the breeze with you.  Now that you are less of a camper on your new line, I love how you are being physical.  I need you to create a bit more instead of waiting for others to create chances for you by shooting it AT you.

Scottie Upshall ~ Hair A, Overall A/C ~ I feel like my relationship with Uppy is bipolar.  The good is amazing and the bad is like WTF?  Therefore Uppy, you got an A!  And you get a C!  You can score like mad.  You can skate like mad.  I just need you to not get mad and go in the box.  And as always, love the hair.  Love the hair’s twitter account too.

Radim Vrbata ~ Screwing around with your skate A, Overall B ~ Vrby you started off hot!  I need you to be hot when the weather cools off too because this is a winter sport hun.  I’m so excited you are back.

Daniel Winnik ~ Effort A, Overall A-.  Winnie, I must apologize.  I didn’t want you back.  At all.  I was wrong.  You work your ass off.  Literally.  You have no ass and I assume it’s because you are working it off.  See Baby Dane about how to rectify this.

Adrian Aucoin ~ Scaryness A+, Overall A+ ~ I’m too afraid to give Adrian less than an A+, but he earned this so whew!  You make me out of my mind excited.  You’re a badass dude and you have a scary shot.  LOVE YOU!

Jim Vandermeer ~ Vandypantsness A, Overall A ~ Vandypants!  I love when you shove people.  I love when you clear out the dudes in front of the net.  I love everything you do in general.

Zbynek Michalek ~ Blockage B+, Overall A- ~ Z, I feel like we broke up.  Last year I depended on you so much to block the shots.  You had NO defensive help last year and a goalie with problems.  Now, we have lots of defensive help and I feel like we’ve drifted apart.  I don’t keep such a close eye on you.  Don’t worry, I know tha we’ll stay together for the kids.

Kurt Sauer ~ Sauer Power I, Overall I ~ Kurt you get Incompletes.  I miss you.  I hope you feel better.  Don’t rush, we are in good hands.  Just do the best thing for you.

Sami Lepisto ~ Where have you been all my lifeness A-, Overall A- ~ Sami!  Where have you been all my hockey life?  Z needed you last year!  You stepped in when Kurt got hurt and we haven’t missed a step.  You’re very responsible in your own end and you’re a bit of a driving cowboy at the other end.  Yay!  Just don’t let it bite you in the buttocks buckaroo.

Keith Yandle and Ed Jovanovski will be graded together because every time they body bump, they switch souls and skills.  This is why Yandle sometimes has Jovo moments and Jovo has been offensively crazyily good lately.  Freaky Friday Body Switching A+, Overall A ~ Jovo, you are like a new man.  Youthful vigor!  Less blue line fear!  Being brutal to Grandpa Niedermeyer!  Love it!  Yandle, are getting points like crazy.  Just don’t get them for the other team, K?

Ilya Bryzgalov ~ Hot dog collecting A+, Overall A+  ~ Bryzy, giving you a contract where you earn 1/2 a hotdog for every save you  make has changed your career.  You are the friggen hot dog man!  Keep it up!

Jason LaBarbara ~ Serial Killerness A, Overall A- ~ So far you are a solid backup.  Quit winking at Jenna and I, it freaks us out.

MVP ~ Bryz

Most Improved ~ Jovo

Best Acquisition: Fidcoinmeer  …. Umm I couldn’t pick.

Missing in Action, but not Forgotten:  Baby Dane & Teek

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3 Responses to Fan/Player Conferences

  1. Marissa (missy) says:

    I smiled and laughed and shed some tears of joy (most improved: JOVO!) throughout this entire thing. Thank you, I really needed the lift today. 🙂

  2. monikawk says:

    this post is too cute! horray for oak and fidd!

  3. this post is amazing and too cute for words :))) and i love how you’re afraid of grumpy ol’ penny. he is a big lovable dork underneath all that frown! and doing much better than he was in calgary, i gotta say. still can’t believe he has a blog.

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