The Looooong Hockey Survey

What is the first jersey you ever owned?
A Peter Mueller jersey.

What is the last piece of hockey memorabilia – jerseys, cards, figurines, etc. – you purchased?
Game used, autographed Martin Hanzal stick

Keep your ticket stubs or throw them away?
I keep ’em

Who has the more intriguing hair – Brian Engblom or Barry Melrose?
This isn’t even a contest. Ask me about Melrose and Donald Trump.

Who is the most underrated player in the league? The most overrated?
Overrated: Sydney Crysby ~ honey you aren’t even the best player on your team

Underrated: Eric Staal. The man gets like 5 pts a game.

What one rule or penalty would you add?

If you instigate a fight and end up losing, you get thrown out of the game 😛

Forget predictions and rankings and who finished where last year – all logic aside, what two teams (one East, one West) would you love to see compete for the Cup this year?
Caps and ‘Hawks

Complete this sentence: The next Winter Classic should be between the Phx and Avs and take place in Denver

More disturbing image – Crosby with a “mustache” or Crosby in bed with the Cup?
Cindy, you are not George Parros. Stop pretendin’

Which team has the best mascot?
Howler of course

Whose press conference would you rather listen to – John Tortorella, Bruce Boudreau or Ron Wilson?
Tortorella is funnily inappropriate

Who is your favorite all-time player? Who is your favorite active player?
Eek! Ummm I really love Ovie and Doan. Doan is my all-time fav and Ovie is my active (even tho they are both active?)

Do you read team-specific blogs about teams other than your own? Which ones and why?
I read Preds on the Glass and The View from 111 and Psycho Puck Lady. The Predator fans are some of the best fans ever and Psycho Puck Lady just cracks me up.

Do you think the NHL will ever put a team in Hamilton, Kansas City and/or Las Vegas?
Christ I hope it isn’t soon if they do.

Everyone’s got a guilty pleasure – what player and/or team do you like that you really shouldn’t?
Jonas Hiller. The Shame! I haaaaaaaaaaaate the Ducks but I love Hiller.

What team has improved the most this summer?
The Flyers gooned up nicely.

What is your favorite hockey memory?
Wow I’m gonna have to go with the LA game last year. Awesomeness.

Which team has the worst jersey? How about the worst third/specialty jersey?
I hate the Flames jersey.

Roll out your favorite homemade player nickname(s).
Baby Dane (Mikkel Boedker) Oh-no-Jo-vo (Ed Jovanovsky) Yo-Jo (Jonas Ahnelov)

If you could move any uprooted team (e.g. Quebec Nordiques, Hartford Whalers, etc.) back to their original home, which one would you move?
None. Fuck that noise!

What will Jeremy Roenick’s next career move be?
He’ll end up flapping his jaws on TV and that’s how God punishes us for being sinful.

Have you ever stopped rooting for one hockey team and started rooting for another? If so, what made you switch?

Who had the better mug shot, Kane or Finley?
Patrick Kane channeled Spencer Pratt. Truly disturbing.

Enough of this geography crap; toss out the current divisions and propose a new divisional alignment for the league.
Let’s put the Yotes, Avs, Stars, Lightning, and Panthers in one. Phx would actually win!

Do you follow other sports besides hockey or are you a one-sport fan?
I like the NFL, college basketball, and some NBA.

Which free agent acquisition do you think will have the biggest impact on his new team?
Well, I’m hoping all the FA’s the Habs got might do something.

Of the five lottery teams last season (Tampa, Atlanta, NY Islanders, Phoenix, Colorado) which one(s) will make the playoffs this year?
Ugh. Better be the Yotes! The Islanders have really improved but the east is too deep

What is your favorite hockey reference in a non-hockey movie/TV episode? e.g. Lisa and Bart Simpson playing hockey, the famous video game scene from Swingers, etc.
Booth played hockey on Bones!

What player from the other 29 teams would you love to have on your team?
Hmm. This is insanely difficult! I love Ovie, but I’d take Geno cuz he passes the puck!

Superlative time!
• Best pure goal scorer – Ovie
• Worst referee – Driscoll
• Goalie when you need one save – Hiller ended the year well
• The guy a lot of people have never heard of (but should have) – Dude, Marty Hanzal!
• When it gets chippy – Carcillo!
• Coach for a must-win game – Not Wayne
• Get under your skin guy – Clutterbuck or Oshie
• The home crowd – Nuck fans
• Worst arena to play in as a visitor – IDK
• Worst arena to play in as the home team – IDK

And finally, quick picks. Do you prefer:
• Crosby or Ovechkin? Ovie
• Ovechkin or Malkin? Eek! Malkin (But I still ❤ you Ovie!)
• Overtime or shootout? Isn’t there a Russian option to pick? Russian roulette?
• 4-on-3 or 5-on-4? 4 on 3
• Sakic or Yzerman? Yzerman would never lose an appendage in a snow blower
• Kerry Fraser or Bill McCreary? Neither
• Montreal Forum or Maple Leaf Gardens? Missed that era too
• Roy or Brodeur? Roy. He’s got attitude
• Touch-up icing or no-touch icing? Touch-up
• Top shelf or five hole? five hole
• Eddie Olczyk or Pierre McGuire? I hate Pierre
• Slapshot or wrist shot? Wrist shot
• Orr or Coffey? Orr
• Coffee or tea? Water!
• Canada or Russia? Ovie and Malkin? Dude, Russia
• Miracle or Mighty Ducks? Miracle rocks my socks.

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