The Sens, home of American Treasure Bobby Ryan! I may have pet his chest and told him he looked like a picnic table once. Allegedly. Also home of Chris Neil who I want to buy a drink, dump it on him, and light a match. Soooooo it’s a mixed bag I guess. Also this vid reminds me that Ryan Getzlaff can take a flying leap.
The first period: Man, it’s a blur, I don’t even remember. Mainly because I forgot the game was on and tuned in with like 20 seconds left in the period. That’s a bad sign for the Yotes, right? Like I’m actively trying to pay attention to them and blog and I still forgot.
Apparently the first period shook out like this: Tobias Reider scored with assists from The Murph and Strome. OMG HOLD ON, I HAVE A PICTURE OF THE ROOKIE.
I’m told it’s a breathtaking likeness. The rest of the period was all Sens with American Treasure Bobby Ryan scoring a power play goal and Tom The Not Hot Pyatt scoring. Awww remember when Taylor Pyatt was a thing? A tall thing that couldn’t play in front of the net to save his life? MEMORIES YO.
2nd period: Nothing good. Smith scored. Their Smith. SMITH ON SMITH CRIME. And it was shorthanded. FML. Sens up 3-1. Chris Neil ran over Vrbata when he didn’t have the puck and now he’ll find his tires slashed at random intervals for the remainder of his life. VRBY? REALLY? YOU HIT VRBY? Gurl, hold my purse.
3rd Period: ALL THE SHIT IS HAPPENING. The Coyotes started the period with a 5-3 power play and Olli scored. Dude. That freakin’ kid. (Yes, he’s still a kid even though the team is now populated by fetuses). I’m calling it now. Oliver leads the team in goals this year, even as a Dman.
Mike Smith down. No, I’m not freaking out. I would be more concerned when Mike Smith lays on the ice if he wasn’t so fucking dramatic all the time. He’s the boy who cried injury and then gets up the VAST majority of the time. But he’s actually hurt this time and gets help skating off the ice. You know what that means?
Well that went freaking terribly. Two quick goals on the BB. Grrrrrrrrrreat. Chris Kelly and Mark Stone scored for the Sens.
GREAT GUYS, NOW MICHAEL STONE IS GOING TO HAVE TO LISTEN TO MARK TALKING SHIT FOREVS. At least you have your hair, Michael.
Martinook sent in a bullet and scored to make it 5-3. Which would have been a tie game without the BB Goalie snafu. GAH! In non-scoring news, Phaneuf was being old and crotchety and shoved Doan. GUESS WHO CAME SLIDING IN TO DEFEND DOAN????
O HAI LUKE. The Good Schenn. Now, he is no Yandle, but him stepping in for Doan was endearing. And with how pissed off with this defensive roster I am, I NEED LITTLE THINGS OK?
Then Kyle Turris scored. You’re hockey dead to me kid.
Then Martinook redirected a shot. 6-4.
Karlsson scores an empyt net goal. 7-4. That’s right, Erik. Pad those stats. OEL is coming for the Norris and you’ll need all the bogus empty net goals you can get, son.
Ok, stop reading here unless you want to read a petty, bitchy rant.
You’ve been warned.
Coyotes loss? GOOD. GOOD. THAT’S WHAT YOU GET. 42 shots on goal allowed? SPECTACULAR. Yotes had 9 blocked shots vs 23 blocked shots for the Sens. YOU KNOW WHO BLOCKS SHOTS? FUCKING Z. Z. REMEMBER Z? THE GUY THAT KEEPS COMING BACK TO THE VALLEY BECAUSE IT’S HIS HOME? THE MAN THAT THREW HIMSELF DOWN AND BLED FOR SEASON WHERE THE TEAM WAS LITERAL CRAP? You cannot tell me that Z can’t crack the D roster with the people that are currently on there.
Good. The bitchy part of me hopes the new D fails epically until they call Z back up.
Ok. Whew. YG out.