In Hockey, Either You're In, Or You're Out.

I’ve been meaning to blog for days, but then this happened:

………… what was I gonna blog about?  OH YEAH IT’S JULY.  FREEEEEEEE AGENTS.

Ray left.  No one was super surprised.  He wanted money.  We’re on food stamps.  Frick.  DAMN YOU GOVERNMENT CHEESE!

His stick doubled as a walking cane.

Unfortunately for us, we let our little Hobbit do a lot of the heavy lifting points-wise.  Replacing 77 points is going to be a bitch.

Let’s see how we’ve been doing…..

Everyone, meet your new Grandpa.

Oh, Grandpa Sully.  Last season, Steve Sullivan had 48 points for the Pens.  He is our new Hobbit (5’8) that we hope helps on the power play and, well, plays in general.

UMM THIS MEANS HE DOESN’T TAKE GAMES OFF FOR INJURY RIGHT?

Chris Conner ~ Another Hobbit (5’8) that has come to us after playing mostly in the AHL for the Team That Shall Not Be Named.  He played a whopping 8 games for the Dedthings last season and had 3 points.

Sullivan?  Conner?  Miele (who we re-signed for 1 yr)?  They’re in danger of being named the “My Little Ponies” line.  Luckily for them, I’m too lazy to photoshop that right now.

GUESS WHO WAS IN GRYFFINDOR Y’ALL.  Expelliarmus!

David Moss.  I don’t know, I’m hoping he grows on me (/insert rimshot).  At least he’s a non-Hobbit (6’4).  He was hurt last year and GMDM was able to pick him up out of the bargin bin.  He’s hanging around for two years @ 2.1 Mil.  Considering that’s about what we would have had to use to qualify Brule, the size and strength on Moss are an upgrade.

Size and strength upgrade.  Pants?  Downgrade.

 

IM DROPPIN’ THE HAMMER. NO UR NOT  /Days of Thunder’d

Rob Klinkhammer.  Klinkhammer.  Apparently, eons ago, his ancestors found that the last name of Hammer was taken.  Therefore, they became Klinkhammers?  He’s gonna have to duke it out with Marek Langhamer to even be my favorite ‘hammer’ in the organization.    And Marek is Czech, so it’s not looking good.  He’s an AHLer.  Maybe an injury call up.

So basically, if you add up Sullivan, Moss, Conner, and Klinkhammer’s points from last year, they have 75.  So with four dudes, we’ve replaced Ray.

Kind of.

Not really.

OH GOD COME BACK GRANDPA RAY RAY.

I may be the only human with girl parts that isn’t sad Pyatt left.  Meh.  His season was so not good last year.  He was ok in playoffs, but…… meh.  He had size, but rarely used it.  And he never got the hang of using his eyes to mesmerize the opponents.

Langkow is still chillin’ as a UFA, as is Rozsival.  Brule is still unattached as well.

Old man Aucoin imparted his wisdom on OEL and then left for Columbus.  Stupid defensive over-population.

The Pou is officially playing in Switzerland next season.  I hate to part with the Pou.  I talked to Alex about staging a Pou-in.  WE WANT POU!  WE WANT POU!  But she thought that it would give people the wrong impression.  :(  Bye Marc-Antoine

Booooooooooo Pouuuuuuuuuuu

Alright, let’s talk about Doan.  Wait.  Turn away for a second.

OH GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ok, you can turn back.  Whew.  I had emotionals there for a sec.  Doan really is doing everything to stay in AZ.  Well, except for signing a 1 yr deal.  But at his age, you can understand that he needs more than a 1yr deal.  What if he had ultra horrible injury?  1 yr deal doesn’t provide for him  like he needs at this stage in his career.  He’ll be back.

He’ll be back.

He’ll be back.

HE’LL BE BACK.    HE’LL BE BACK.     HE’LL BE BACK. SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE

Assuming Doan comes back (because he fucking has to ok?!!?!?!?), this is what we are looking like:

Doan     Vermette     Boeds

Vrby    Marty     Sullivan

Lauri    Boyd     Moss

____ Chipchura   _____ (I refuse to put Bizz in any lineup)

Wait.  What are those openings??!?!?

O.M.G. COULD IT BE TIME FOR THE RETURN?

TEEK, GET THE F OUT OF THAT AQUARIUM, WE NEED YOU

I know we’re gonna make some trades and prolly unload some of our D for a forward.  But there is no way in hell you can convince me that Brule or Bizz or even Pou did anything last season that Teek couldn’t have done or done better.  I SHALL NOT GIVE UP HOPE.

If Z can come back, Teek can come back.  And bring Prucha.  HELL YEAH.

Z / Teek / Pru