Do Not Handle Our Yandle Or I’ll Hit You With My Sandal

So what prompted this is the whole “YANDLE IS AVAILABLE FOR TRADE” thing.    Ok, technically anyone with a pulse is available for trade.  Possibly even some people with no pulse,  Zombie Kopitar, I’m looking at you.  This isn’t going to happen.

You can’t get rid of a guy that punches Holmstrom in the face!

Yes, Yandle had an off season.  It was also the first season of his big money, big years deal.  That has happened to COUNTLESS other quality players.  He feels like he needs to prove that he deserved the money, he tries too hard, he’s frustrated, he’s….. crap-ish.  Also, this is the first season that Yandle had a baby.  It’s something different in his life.  I’m not saying the baby ruined him, I’m saying he had something new to deal with.

Sometimes Yandle falls down….. a lot.

But let’s be real, Yandle wasn’t terrible.  Yes, he had mental mistakes that were extremely noticeable.  He also had 43 points and played every game.  In fact, Yands has played every game ever.  Ok not ever, but he’s a mini-fucking-Cal Rypken.  Oakie is old.  Kles likes to get hit in the face with the puck.  We need someone that is kinda unbreakable.  And 43 points?   YES, PLEASE IMPROVE OUR OFFENSE BY REMOVING 43 POINTS.

And Yands fucking shoots!  NO ONE ON OUR TEAM (aside from Vrby and Doan) FUCKING SHOOTS!  Yands had 196 shots.  Vrby had 232, Doan had 226…… and then it was Yands at 196.  Know how you score goals?  YOU FUCKING SHOOT THE PUCK.  Here is our offense……. pass… pass… pass… pass…. pass…. Vrby/Doan/Yands shoots.  PASS PASS PASS PASS MAYBE OUR PASSES WILL DEFLECT OFF SOMEONE AND ACCIDENTALLY GO IN THE GOAL.  HERE’S HOPING!

PASS PASS MOTHERFUCKING PASS

Possibly equal with the offense he provides, Yandle is a locker room guy.  Who waits and has individualized high-fives for all the guys after a win?  Yands.  Who conspired with Barbs to come up with the MVP wrestling belt?  Yands.  Who did Pyatt talk to about his emotional shit?  Yands.  Who swears up a fucking storm in playoffs while he’s mic’d up?  Yands.  Who says wicked?  Yands.  He is the friggen glue in our locker room chemistry.

Oh Yandle.

Let’s talk money.  Yands is signed for four more season and a reasonable number.  I mean, Tyler Myers is making 12 million dollars this year……. bahahahahahahahahahahaha.  He has one off season and people are ok with trading him?  You’re ridic.  Yes, OEL is unreal.  But OEL also benefits from Yands’ skill pulling some defensive attention away from him.  We get rid of Yands and next year, all the top D is all over OEL like white on rice.  Yes, we have Gormley coming up.  But you know how much Tippett loves kids.  Look at how OEL was treated in his first year.  Where the hell are Yands’ minutes going?  OEL is almost already maxed at 22 to 25 per game.  Maybe Mike Stone can carry his minutes.  Bahahahah BRB CUTTING MYSELF.

But…. we need a top line center!  No, we don’t.  We need fucking wingers that can score.  Vermette showed that he can manage the top line, in our system.  Is he perfect?  Hell no.  But the last fucking thing we need is someone to pass the puck.  We have 18 passers already.  NEED MOAR SHOOTING.

IT SAYS YOU NEED TO SHOOT TO SCORE… ZOMG

I gave Yandle a lot of  positive reinforcement this season.  Sometimes it was hard.  Sometimes you have to say shit like “Way to wear the right uniform Yandle”, “Way to skate the right direction Yandle”, or “Way to be in the opening video Yandle”.  No lie, these are all things I have yelled to him on the ice.  But that’s what you do with a guy that signed with you long-term, for a decent price, despite ownership bullshit, when he didn’t have to.  We can’t be done with him yet.

YOU AND ME, KEITH MICHAEL

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