OEL/Gossip/Prucha/StempniakTrends/Z

Victim of the need to win now

Oh OEL.  Today you have your second game as a member of the Rampage.  GMDM says you need confidence.  Go kick ass in the AHL and come back ASAP.  I’ll do what I can up here to open up some D spots.  Phoenix IS the kidnapping capital of America you know.

Click here for GMDM talking about why OEL was sent down

Now onto the Prucha problem.  I think I’ve been attacking this from the wrong angle.  GMDM is a data man.  I must use ACTUAL logic.  Damnit, this isn’t my strong point, but here we go:

It's like he has an extra gum

1.  Research has shown that opponents are 47% more likely to be distracted by Prucha’s mouthguard hanging out of his mouth at all times.  It kinda looks like he got a high stick and his whole top gum area came flying out of his mouth.  It’s like an accident scene that you can’t look away from.  This results in more goals for us.  Um, you can’t dispute scientific fact.

No wind resistance!

2.  We borrowed a “wind tunnel” from NASCAR to test the wind resistance or “drag” of Prucha’s chiseled cheekbones and baby-smooth skin.  The results conclusively showed that Prucha can fly into the corners quicker than any other player (other than Korpikoski, but his ancestory includes a cheetah, so that’s cheating).  Quicker into the corners = more puck battle victories.

3.  Everyone ooooooh’s and aaaaahhhh’s over this guy’s “dreamy blue eyes” :

Whatevs.

But what about this:

#$%@#$%@#$%@$% O HAI PRU

If any argument for Pyatt includes his ability to mesmerize the opposition with his dreamy blue eyes, I am putting forth this arugument:  If Prucha would ever be as slow and lumbering as Pyatt so you could actually SEE his eyes, Prucha would win this battle.  Alas, going back to #2, lack of wind resistance makes Prucha fly around like an angry bee on meth.

4.  Prucha/Hanzal/Vrbata have a secret language.  Ok it’s not secret, it’s Czech.  But freaking eh, have you ever tried to learn Czech?  It may as well be a secret langauge cuz Jesus. H Doan Christ, it’s damn near impossible.  Way tougher than sticking an o on the end of every word.  Without Prucha, Hanzal and Vrbata have to try to secretly talk to Whitney using Pig Latin……….. and Vrbata sucks at it.

Rbatavay Onay Eakspay Igpay Atinlay

5.  I know Whitney caught fire and that doesn’t bode well for Prucha and the Czech Line, but can’t we stick Whitney with someone else?  Why does it have to be Vrbata?  Stick Whitney with Pyatt and maybe we can get his scoring ass in gear.

6.  Please GMDM?  (I gave up asking Tippett cuz we are not on speaking terms right now).

**********************************************************************

So here is a little gossip for you.  There were rumblings amongst the staff at the Job that one of the players got into a yelling match with not one, but two other players after a game this weekend.

I guess I always think of our team as really tight and getting along, but with that many guys, there has to be some that don’t get along.  There have to be some that flat out hate each other, just based on numbers.  Hmm, weird to think.

************************************************************************

LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Stempniak is a total trend setter!  He got the first hat trick this year, and now there are 4 on the team already.

Here are the top 5 trends that Stempniak will set next:

1.  The team wears sweater-vests, chinos, and argyle socks for the team picture.

2.  The team will all slather themselves in sunscreen and have people hold umbrellas over them while they golf to maintain their china-doll porcelain white complexion like Stemper has naturally.

3.  As a team bonding time, there will be high tea served after every practice.  Pinkies up gentlemen.  Those scones are not meant to be bite-sized Mr. Hanzal.  Mr Lepisto, your posture is terrible.

4.  Slang nicknames such as “dawg” and “dude”  will be replaced with “chap” and “my good man”

5.  When the puck goes into the corner and a new line comes out, the rallying cry by the first man in will be “TALLY HO, GENTLEMEN”.

Stempniak is a preppy and we love him for it.

*******************************************************************

It’s well known that I miss Zbynek Michalek.  If you don’t miss him, you’re just in denial.  We were a much stronger team with him

DOESN’T HE JUST LOOK WRONG IN BLACK?  He’s our white knight.  Our Z!  NO BLACK!

EVEN Z IS LIKE THIS IS WROOOOOOOONG

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5 Responses to OEL/Gossip/Prucha/StempniakTrends/Z

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention OEL/Gossip/Prucha/StempniakTrends/Z | The Good, The Bad, The Coyotes -- Topsy.com

  2. Kels says:

    cheetah. =)

    Prucha slow down? bah!

    Hat tricks a wild in Coyote land. Let’s hope Prucha will be in the lineup to get one at some point. Maybe. Please.

    I’m honestly just glad they are winning tho. That NYR no defense crap is hard enough to take with one team, let alone two!!

  3. Carol says:

    Ah Pru. I’m so happy and proud that I can speak the secret language. :)
    To see Z on the Dark side breaks my heart.

  4. Coyoteon14 says:

    I bet the “yelling match” was between Aucoin and Bryz vs. D.Mo. (and maybe Jovo) Aucoin could’ve killed someone when St.L scored that lake goal in the 3rd…replay of the night before…WAKE THE F UP!!!

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